My husband travels a lot for work. This lends itself to me handling a lot of extra and oftentimes unexpected responsibilities just like so many of you other moms out there. I’d love to share the tidbits I’ve learned just in case it helps another amazing warrior along the way.
Unexpected situation 1: you find an injured vulture has taken up residence under your car….
Let me save you the multiple google searches including, but not limited to, “vulture under van Gwinnett County” and hours spent calling animal shelters and animal control…
NO ONE WILL COME HELP YOU. Unless you pay them.
It is sad and disheartening, but true. No one will come to your rescue. Animal control only intervenes with domestic animals and when the life of a child is in jeopardy. And though it is tempting, you probably shouldn’t put your 4-year-old next to the vulture under your van to incite their help on a technicality. Their best piece of advice will be to wait until tomorrow morning and hope he leaves.
(Let’s have a moment of silence as we consider that I learned this information over 90 minutes of phone calls all while being encircled by my three children and three neighbor children who thought they should feed the bird under our van.)
Your other option? Gather the vulture in a box and drive him to a shelter. This option is not really an option for a variety of obvious reasons. Like…3 kids. And A LIVE VULTURE. And traveling I-85 during rush hour.
This kind of thing could occur on a day when you literally have no food in your house and desperately need to go to the grocery store. Actually – that’s exactly when this kind of thing will occur. You are faced with two choices: a showdown with the vulture or with your hanrgy children. Neither option will seem attractive. Eventually, you will decide that it’s you against the vulture.
Here are your options for communicating to the vulture your desire for him to LEAVE:
The car alarm on your vehicle. My vulture was not phased in the slightest, but maybe yours would be.
Squirting him with the water hose (I was too scared for this).
Texting your friends so people can join you in the journey and you can avoid actually dealing with any of this.
If you find yourself choosing option 3, I pray that you have amazing friends with whom you can share this moment.
At first, these friends will not believe you. Because…let’s be honest…a vulture under your car is not exactly a familiar occurrence for ANYONE EVER. You’ll need to send them photographic evidence.
*That black blob under my van? The injured vulture. Sorry it’s not clear, nor does it help you see his VAST WINGSPAN, but I had other things on my mind.
At this point, you may have an amazing friend who orders pizza for you and your entire family and has it delivered. If this is the case, consider yourself SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED. Thank God for this amazing person and GO INSIDE and laugh about the absurdity of it all.
And if you happen to be as lucky as I was? That pizza delivery person will scare away your vulture!
Care to share your stories and advice about handling the crazy that comes when your spouse is traveling? Because I’d sure love to hear them!
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Oh – this was the perfect story for a Monday morning!! I needed that! Your babies are gorgeous and this story is hilarious! I mean, it’s hilarious because it didn’t happen to ME. (although it sounds like something that very well could have had my name on it)
I’m sorry that it happened to you, but I have a feeling it will be something told & re-told for years and years!
Jennifer! You made my day. And it was still hilarious in the process – however an OVERWHELMING hilarious. The kind where you are keenly aware that one day you will never stop laughing over this, but currently a really large bird is staring you down and is keeping you from leaving your home… I’m glad we’re kindred spirits in it all!
Amy, this was too funny and a great laugh for me this morning. I had a similar situation when my husband was traveling – it involved a dead car battery, a screaming newborn, and being stranded at Advanced Auto Parts. They didn’t have a battery that fit my car and only the dealership could replace it. They also didn’t have anything powerful enough to jump my car off so I could drive to the dealership so I just sat and cried until my dad came to the rescue and we figured out a plan. I agree that the worst things happen when husbands are traveling. Ugh! But makes for some good memories, right?!
Jana! stranded at Advanced Auto Parts? With a newborn?!? Oh sweet friend… I’m SO glad your dad was able to come! Yay for dad to the rescue!
If this were Disney story, the vulture would have endearingly cooed what was wrong with it, and you and the children would have quickly patched it up in perfect harmony during a dance number then sent it back in flight with fondness.But this story was better….much better, LOL!!!!!! Good luck out there!
Annie – I see a movie in the works now! And honestly – I wish we’d done a dance number. Honestly, that is ALWAYS the right answer.
Oh my gosh, Amy. I can’t even!
My husband doesn’t travel for work, but he’s a nurse who works nights. I swear to you, these things ONLY happen on nights when he’s working. I can’t compete with your vulture story—it’s usually stuff like crazy gross bugs or a toddler pooping in the tub.
Although a few months ago, my husband put our bag of kitchen trash out on the deck and then forgot to take it to the garbage bin. (grrrrr.) Overnight, of course, opossums/raccoons/whatever got into it. Not only was there trash ALL OVER our deck, but there was inexplicably also a dead squirrel by the bag. I guess there was a woodland creature fight to the death over my kitchen garbage?! I left it all there and let my husband clean it up. Sorry, kiddo, we can’t play outside today… we’ll go out to the park instead 😉
Oh sweet Emily! A dead squirrel?!? NO!!!!!
One day I’ll have to tell you my dead raccoon story. I still shudder.
I’m all about the – so sorry we can’t play outside today. Thank goodness for parks!