We all know there have been so many downers the last few months. And, I’m sorry to say, this isn’t your positive outlook post. I’m sad. And while there are so many more serious things I could be writing about, I’m consumed with grief over not being able to send my children back to school- to their teachers, their friends, their activities- at least not yet. We went through the denial – surely we would be back to school by April?! The anger – this is terrible! There’s no way our family will survive this! The bargaining – surely the schools have figured out a way to keep everyone safe so we can return to our lives! I think I’m in the depression stage mostly because the news of school opening keeps changing rapidly around here.
The start of each school year has always been one of my favorite times of the year, even when I wasn’t a mom. I loved the idea of starting something new with a community of people working toward the same goal. I like beginnings- getting everything organized and labeled (though it won’t stay that way), planning of first day outfits, and excitement over class placement. I’m grieving hearing about the new friends and learned concepts. I’m losing the chance to see their smiling faces descend from the school bus steps, happy to see me after being separated for those few hours, excited to hear about all the new things that happened that day (maybe you’ve figured out I don’t have teenagers). Packed lunches, behavior gossip, handwritten notes of achievement, all becoming obsolete.
We’re missing out on those things this year. Sure, there are parts of brick and mortar school that I won’t miss- the loss of control, dealing with the social anxiety of an elementary schooler, the inevitable colds. Nevertheless, I’m sad. My kids are little, so they are taking it in stride, but I bet a lot of the older students and definitely some teachers are feeling the grief. So much has changed and so much of our back to school excitement and positive outlook is being tampered by being in the same environment day after day, with the same people and the same household dynamics.
If you’re lucky enough to have your child getting back into the classroom, I hope you feel safe and sure about it, and I also hope you hold tight to the joy that this time of year can bring. We’ll be starting something new for our school year- a new beginning that I should be excited and happy about- but the grief, it’s still creeping in. Maybe I’ll make it to acceptance by Christmas.
thank you for sharing your feeling
Reading this just made me realize I am not alone with how I am feeling! I worry about my shy, big hearted little Layla staying home for school and missing out on building friendships. Is this the right choice for her. And Landon not getting that first day of Kindergarten excitement. As well as finding boys to connect with since he has three sisters. It’s so hard knowing for sure if we have made the right choice. Then I remember that this is a small moment in their lives that years from now when they reflect back on their childhood they will at least remember that their mommy and daddy loved them so much and wanted to protect them. The bond we have shred as a family until during this time is irreplaceable!
❤️